Divorce Strategies – Don’t Be Deterred
Divorce is one of the most traumatic events in the emotional lives of many people. People who find themselves in a divorce situation often feel belittled, betrayed, shocked, inferior, depressed, or infuriated. However, it is very unwise to compound the problem by trying to shoe horn a relationship into working when it is beyond hope, although at first every possible solution is, hopefully, discussed and considered by both.
It is especially important not to force yourself to try to make a failed marriage work “for the children”. Relationships end for reasons–usually that they weren’t the best ones to start with, although it’s also true that people can grow apart or one of them can just change so utterly that they aren’t who the other married any longer–and the best thing to do for the children in a divorce situation is to work it out in as much of a civilized way as is possible and be honest and rational with the children.
Unfortunately, many divorces are made far worse by one party being either vindictive or hostile; and even in a divorce where that is not the case, the first thing (possibly after child custody) that is going to be the target of interest is the money and the assets. In a way, a marriage is a business deal, and this business is now being broken up. So you need to understand how to navigate these possibly hostile waters and come out alright. For this you’ll need a strategy, and you’ll also need tactics. Neither is romantic, but both are necessary.
Your strategy is what you want to achieve. For instance, are you truly interested in taking the house, or do you just want to get enough of the home’s equity in your settlement so you can make it on your own while you go through transition? Whatever your strategy is, however, you need to understand that it is no good at all to let yourself be made into a sacrificial lamb. You may think you’re being nice, but that’s not what a divorce is about. It’s about fairness and justice, and there isn’t going to be much of that unless your strategy is to get all that you truly feel is yours by right.
As for your tactics these are moves you are going to be making to help you achieve the goals in your strategy. By having the right tactics in place you are setting yourself up to win and will help you to block or counteract any moves you see as being unjust or unfair that your soon to be ex partner makes. They need to be thought out well and certainly you should keep your emotions in check when planning them else you can leave yourself vulnerable. Remember, there are some divorce situations where the other person who is normally gentle and kind can become your worst enemy and will try and take you for everything they can. The only time you should stop using the tactics you have chosen is if you find that they aren’t actually working.
If the divorce is going to be contested – because either of you does not accept what is happening, or you cannot agree a settlement that is fair then be prepared to wait a couple of years before the papers finally get signed. So when it comes to divorce don’t set your heart on getting the final settlement done with in a specific time period or by a specific date.
Make sure you consult a recommended or known divorce lawyer on all of your tactics and your divorce strategy. Again, while not romantic, divorce lawyers are usually a very important part of the divorce process.
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