by Janet Lewison
In America, poets are held in such low esteem that even the most Honored Representative from Nigeria won’t bother scamming us. Society says to us what Dermot Mulroney says to Julia Roberts in “My Best Friend’s Wedding,” that we are “The pus that infects the mucus that cruds up the fungus that feeds on the pond scum.” Even being cheated by Mr. Honorable Minister, however, is preferable to the poetry scams that have proliferated. Wind Publications’ Literary Scam guide has this to say: Hidden among the many sponsors of legitimate literary contests advertised on the internet lurk those who care little about literature, its audience, or authors. These organizations and individuals exist solely for profit through their so-called writing or poetry contests. Often you’ll find these “free” poetry contests lavishly advertised in your local newspaper. There is a cottage industry of writing scams perpetuated by pus poetry pimps, the chief among them International Library of Poetry, aka Noble House Press, aka Poetry.com. They advertise in USA Weekend and the Penny Saver–well, not the Penny Saver, but they might as well, because that sums up their opinion of poets. If you’ve seen the ads or received a letter that says, “Congratulations, your poem has been selected for our next anthology,” congratulations, you’re being scammed. Like so-called modeling agencies or “talent agents” who prey on the dreams of nubile girls wanting to be the next Lindsay Lohan, poetry pyramid schemes exploit the number one hope of writers: publication, and more importantly, recognition. Many excellent Web sites such as Preditors and Editors and PoetryNotCom detail the outrageous mechanics of poetry “anthology” scams, and the infamous Wergle Flomp Poetry Contest by WinningWriters.com cheerfully skewers vanity poetry contests and the submicroorganisms who perpetuate them. How do you spot a poetry scam? Look for…
Insane pie in the sky prize amounts. I ran the DeAnn Lubell Professional Writers’ Competition. Most poetry contests with reading fees pay, at most, $1,000, and that’s for a book-length manuscript of poetry. For a single poem, the first prize pot is usually a whopping $100, $150 tops. A $20 million prize, as dangled by Noble House, is a big crimson flag. Oh, and no one ever offers poets a chance to win a world cruise. It’s usually assumed that we sail around the world on a Mark Twain raft, a sampan, or a Hemingway skiff.
When it comes to love poems love poetry competitions requires poets to enter a poem in the area of love. A love poem can be about romance, family or friendship. Because a lot of people write love poetry lots of poets look for love poetry contests to enter. Most times when writers write love poems it’s about the love that they have for another person that they are in a relationship with.
Phony awards banquets. Ten years ago, no joke, I received a mailing from Famous Poets Society that lured me to fork over the cash to attend an awards banquet and convention. If I paid my money, I could join the elite company of poets such as…Ted Lange of “Love Boat” fame. Who knew Isaac the bartender was a closet Langston Hughes? Plus, I could win $6,000 in door prizes. Now, if you’ve ever attended a poetry reading, especially in coffeehouses, you know that poets wear their vow of poverty as proudly as a Che Guevara T-shirt. Just the thought of winning $25 in a poetry slam made my fellow poets and me weep more cathartically than the contestants on “Deal or No Deal.” And Ted Lange usually doesn’t attend.
Narrative poetry is a poem which tells a story. Most commonly, the stories involve heroic events or are of cultural or national (or some degrees even local) importance. Subdivisions of narrative poetry include ballads and epics. “The Divine Comedy” by Dante, “Raven” by Edgar Allan Poe, and “Odyssey” by Homer are just a few of the major narrative pieces.
Advertising in newspapers and glossy magazines. Real poetry contests don’t advertise in USA Weekend–sure, USA Weekend may sponsor a teen essay contest, but poetry advertisers? Forget it. People don’t pick up USA Weekend as a literary publication, even though USA Weekend features books and authors. If you see a mass call for poets in a mass market magazine, give it a miss. Real poetry contests get deluged with submissions as it is. They don’t need to fish for more.
Sending you a letter of acceptance for a contest you can’t remember entering or a publisher you can’t remember submitting to. I admit, as a writer I have difficulty keeping track of what I sent to whom and when–we go into writing to avoid paperwork, not do it, although when we’re not in the mood, reorganizing files suddenly becomes as tempting as a day in Cancun. Fortunately, Writer’s Market features a Submission Tracker, and some enterprising bloggers actually post their submission schedule to make the rest of us sigh in unorganized envy. If you can’t find the cover letter/e-query in your file cabinet, on your computer, on your Zip drive (you do back up, right?), or in your Sent folder, chances are you never submitted to National Library of Poetry or Wordscum.com (apologies if there actually is a Web site out there called Wordscum.com). Yes, after 300 rejections, getting an acceptance letter may be a boost, but to misquote Groucho Marx, think twice before you accept just any club that will have you as a member. Aim higher. Imagine if JK Rowling had just said, “All right, I’ll pay a million pounds to have a few hundred copies of Harry Potter for my friends and relatives to buy.”
Tags: Arts & Entertainment by Paul Stradford
No Comments »